WHAT ABOUT ME ?!?!

I remember this one day in the beginning of the spring semester of last year like it was yesterday.
Me and some friends were having breakfast and just catching up and speaking about how our previous fall semester had ended. I remember two of my friends speaking about how God was sooo good , and how God was sooo faithful because of their good grades.
I am not a salty person so of course I was happy for them . I love seeing God move in the life of those around me. On the other hand, as I sat there I’m like, “God ,WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! Do I not live for you just like my friends do? Did you not listen to my prayers? Couldn’t you just have increased my GPA for that semester by likeeeeeeeee .3 points?!?! Loll
Then, a couple weeks after I applied for a job that I really wanted and didn’t get that either , tried to volunteer in a hospital in order to get  experience (biology major…Blehh ) was having issues with that too. Felt like nothing was going right at all!!! From that day forward (breakfast with friends) just started a cycle of just not feeling good enough compared to those around me, not feeling smart at all whatsoever , and feeling like God had forgotten all about his princess (me) . Although in the back of my mind I was aware of what the word of God says and how God loves me so much , I was so consumed in myself and my PITY PARTY that at times I would let my mind be consumed by these thoughts that are CLEARLY AGAINST God’s word.
For some reason I felt like I was entitled to obtain “EVERYTHING I” wanted ( job positions , internships and so on ) at “MY OWN TIME” because I’m God’s daughter. Ignoring the fact that maybe , that’s just not where God wanted me at the time (or at all) and the fact that his plans are different than mines. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8.
But in all honestly like some people say, “If God Never Does Anything Else For Me, He’s Done Enough”. I was measuring God’s goodness in my life by the things that I was getting ( or in this case not getting ) that I had forgotten about God’s goodness in the rest of my life i.e. the fact that I have a family that loves me , amazing friends , my health , and that I’m alive and breathing !! And most importantly forgetting the fact that he sent his son to die for me on the cross for my sins. “ For God so LOVED the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”. John 3:16 Like why was that not enough in knowing that he is a GOOD God that loves me?!?!
So, from all of this which was just a year a go I have learned so much. But don’t get it wrong, I still have my bad days (often) lol that these thoughts get into my head but I’m able to overcome it by God’s grace and by telling my emotions to shut up !!
What I’ve learned:
1.  I over think all the situations in my life or how I could’ve done things differently and then sit there and dwell on it. But I’ve learned that I do not need to entertain these thoughts that are just making me feel terrible about myself. “We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ” – 2 Corinthians 10:5. My sinful mind and those thoughts that are not of God saying that I’m not smart enough, or good enough do not need to control me, through Jesus we take those thoughts and tell them to obey Christ.
“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God”. Romans 8:6-8
2. God has a plan for everyone’s life. Yup yes everyone. Me , YOU , and your BFF. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” . Jeremiah 29:11. It doesn’t matter how incapable and unworthy we may feel at times. Or how badly we feel that we are messing up our lives with our poor decisions/ laziness, or how we think we have nothing to offer… He is still there with open arms and is still looking at us as precious and as his children and like the apple of his eye.
“Come now and let us reason together, says the LORD, though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” (Isaiah 1:18) God forgives us it’s just up to us to realize these truths and to forgive ourselves and stop reminding ourselves of our past mistakes and start living the life that he has called us to live. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them”. Romans 8:28

3. Keep my eyes on God. Not on Joe , Mary , or Dayshawn ‘s life. Keep my eyes on Christ. In the book “Pink lips and empty hearts” by Heather Linsdey I read this quote about comparison and keeping my eyes on God that really touched me. It said , “You don’t have to compare your life to anyone else’s when you are in your lane and doing what God is telling you to do. My satisfaction comes from him alone, so I can’t look at anybody’s life and wish it we’re mine because I’m too busy comparing my life to Christ”. When you are so focused on God, you have no time to be worrying about what the next person is doing. Honestly, perspective is everythinggggggggg and there is sooo much danger in comparison. Learn to be content in whatever season you are in life ,  because there’s beauty in each season <3. ”  I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret to living in every situation , whether it is with a full stomach or empty with plenty or little . For i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Phillipains 4:12-13

So remember God loves you and will never ever ever forget about you. And keep seeking God you can’t do any of these things in your own power because you will FAIL miserably each time . Seek him seek him seek him .. he’s right there right now even while you are reading this !!
Thanks for reading. All for his glory
– Giselle A.  Parris 🙂