What happens now ?

Sometimes it feels like life is not fair.

As I sit on my couch, I just think about all the things in my life that I wish were different. I think about how I wish I did better as an undergraduate so that I could actually have a better chance of getting into grad school. I think about how I would love to not be as shy. I think about how I would like to have an actual  job so that I can afford to do certain things. I think about how I wish I could go back and undo certain things I’ve done or said . I also think about how EXTREMELY inadequate I feel to fulfill the things that I know God wants me to do.

I could seriously continue on but I won’t ….

It’s like God why ?!

To be honest when I feel like this I have to take breaks from social media. I take breaks because I’m a pro at comparing my life to others. It’s like I’ll feel great about what God is doing in my life , and trusting the process I’m going through until I go on my phone and see others lives. Then I’m like God what’s up ? When will it be my turn ? Do I not have favor ? Am I in sin that you won’t bless me ? How stronger do you want me to get ?

But then I remember that these are not extremely serious problems. People are on their death beds, in jail for crimes they didn’t commit, starving to death , no mobility in their limbs and I’m worried about trivial things that God will take care of.

It’s like sometimes I want to bang my head onto a wall because I feel like I don’t allow God’s words to permeate my heart and my being . It’s like WHO am I to constantly doubt God’s word ?

Ahh. Wells anyways , when I came back home to Brooklyn after graduating college I was looking over my bday gifts. And I noticed that two of my friends got me journals with the same scripture Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you , plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
At that moment I knew God was speaking to me  , and that this  scripture was going to be instrumental in my post graduate life. That I would have to constantly remind myself of that scripture in moments when I’m feeling a little down as I was earlier when I started writing this post. And maybe  also that a lot would be happening that I would have to write about , since I got two journals.LOL .
(SN: I’m always so blown away that a HOLY God still takes time to speak to his people even though we are so sinful , unworthy and disobedient. )

But yes, I write this post really just speaking to myself.
Giselle , ( and whomever is reading this) God will take care of everything.
“Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust the Lord will lack no good thing.” Psalms 34:10
” But God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory ” Phillipians 4:19

If God made a way before he will make a way again.

So yes , life does suck at times and might feel likes it unfair. But keep trusting God and standing on his word no matter how impossible things may look. It will all make sense one day and you’ll be able to share with others how God came through for you. So stay encouraged, & don’t be like me and dwell on things that are beyond your control.

Go enjoy and live your life and seek God’s kingdom first above all. Mathew 6:33
-Giselle A. Parris